Fighting fire with fire has never worked.

Anger has a gravitational pull. So when we experience a frustrating situation that triggers our anger and reactivity, it’s easy to get sucked in.

But ultimately, fighting fire with fire has never worked. 🔥 When we become reactive, we create a toxic loop of frustration, irritation and anger that impacts everyone we touch.

For instance, a few months ago when my dog Nordic🐶 began acting out. He was anxious, barking, and absolutely refused to go on walks. @changcc72 My partner, who he lives with, was reaching the end of her rope – we didn’t know what to do or how to help him.

But when we met Nordic with our understandable frustration, pleading with him, trying to get him outside on our terms – it was like adding fuel to the fire.

Nordic became more resistant to going outside at all. Something was definitely wrong.

So we hopped on a Zoom call to reflect on what was happening. Then we changed our approach.

Instead of communicating from frustration, we relaxed ourselves and tried to get Nordic to feel safe and secure from a place of calm leadership, peace, and acceptance.

And amazingly – he listened.

👉Fighting fire with fire only makes the flames stretch higher and wreak more destruction.

The only thing that truly counteracts and dissolves anger is calm. 🌊The calm acts like water, slowly but surely putting out the flames of a sparking fire. 🔥

Of course, this is easier said than done. Anger is quickly caught and difficult to escape.

🌟If you find yourself descending into frustration, try these steps:

➊ Develop awareness of it.
In order to disrupt and dissolve anger, we have to be able to identify it before it sets in. When we lean into our anger, we perpetuate it and often create a reactive thought storm that takes us over. The more we give into our anger and let it run us, the stronger it grows and more damaging it becomes.

➋ Disrupt the flow.
Distract yourself, focus on your body, bring your awareness to your breath, the rhythm of your heartbeat, even EFT tapping or holding ice cubes in your hand can help lessen the weight and intensity of your frustration. In the future, this process will be as easy as noticing your reactivity. But to develop your ability to interrupt your reaction in its tracks, start with disrupting the flow.

➌ Do not stoke the flames.
Once you’ve relieved some of the emotion’s intensity, DON’T reignite the fire. Keep the thought storm at bay until the weather’s cleared by keeping your mind off it until the emotion’s past and you can think more clearly